Negative Thoughts

Hey so, I have something to say... Something about negative thoughts.

SO! If you didn't know, I started the God's Growing Daughters Poetry Club. Officially launched it at the beginning of April 2025. It was a big step for me out of another area of my comfort zone, another big step of me doing anything. But here I am. I've had it under the forum since 2023/2024 I want to say. But April 2025 is when I announced it in my hometown.

The second meeting was held today, an in- person meeting. So, as I'm at home preparing to come to the location on where I hold the meeting, truly I'm just not in the mood. Mainly because I'm just getting off work and my industry of corporate America work already drains me. So, there's that. But anyway, any who. I get in my car, started to make way here. As I'm on my way here, immediately, negative thoughts start coming. "I can't do this" "I'm over this already" "Idk who's even going to show up this time around compared to the few women that showed up before" "I'm not a known or popular person in my city, so it's not like my name is out there" "Nobody is really into this type of club or things of this capacity" "Who am I really doing this for" you know yadda yadda, all the thing, I even tried to fight back with scripture. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" You know that good ol script. But it just didn't stick the way I needed it to.

So fast forward, as I'm still making my way to the meeting. I just get hit with this dwelling thought from the Holy Spirit. He says to me "I hate the way you talk to yourself" and I almost instantly respond back, with a laugh mind you, and said "yeah I do too". So, I'm still driving, making my way, riding along. I'm about 5 minutes away and I just start reflecting about how your childhood and upbringing can really play an impact on how you grow and develop certain things, rather good or bad. I personally, which I know I'm not the only out there who struggles with this. But it's so difficult for positive thoughts and mindsets to stick when negative ones just stick so much harder. Heck I even tried Romans 12:2, "Don't copy the behaviors and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect" (NLT btw). I even tried that, and it didn't work immediately in that moment.

So, now I get here, and I called my god brother and just started speaking to him. Yadda yadda, I just started expressing how frustrating it is that at my new age of 30 years old, I'm still finding myself struggling with low confidence, self-esteem, and belief that I can do all things that I put my mind to. But not ever being affirmed and rooted in that is where I struggle the most. I shouldn't still be struggling with this. Then he begin to say this great bar to me amongst other good ones, but he told me... "You know, you know the woman you're trying to become, you see the woman that you want to be. You've been growing, your wings have been spreading and trying to spread more, but you're going to have to let go of what's weighing your wings down" Very powerful for me.

But I'm rambling now, so I mentioned this somewhat long story to just... We've got to get through these negative thoughts. They do nothing for us. Nothing for me and nothing for you. Be encouraged though that you're not the only one who's dealing or struggling with it. I'm not the only one. Neither are you, neither are we.